Control. I’ve always fought for it. I never named it. I always thought it was just me wanting to be able to give my input and make decisions. Whenever I felt out of control in my marriage my frustrations would rise. And anger followed. I felt like a child who wasn’t getting their way.
And whenever I fought for my way and my husband stood his ground and made a decision I didn’t agree with, I would wait. Wait for him to fall and realize I was right and that he should have listened to me. After all, I knew better… or so I thought. But instead of it making me feel better when realizing I was right, I found myself just getting more and more frustrated. “Lord, why doesn’t this husband you’ve given me just listen?”
After almost 17 years of being married, the Lord has taught me a few things. Yes, I’m a slow learner. When my husband tells me of an idea, instead of reacting and wanting him to change his plans, I bite my tongue. I smile. If he asks, I give my opinion. But then I pray. I pray for understanding, I pray for him, that God would give him wisdom. And then I pray for me. I pray that God would take away the desire to control the situation. And I ask God to speak to Him. And then it’s out of my hands; it’s between him and God.
I can tell you there’s much more peace in our relationship today. Instead of trying to control him, I know he’s accountable to God, not to me. I’ve released him and can just enjoy him as my husband, not someone I’m always trying to control. And I know He enjoys the marriage more because he doesn’t feel like I’m trying to control his every move. When he does make a decision I don’t agree with and I see it backfire, I remain quiet. The lesson in itself is painful enough; he doesn’t need to hear it from me. That’s how I know our marriage has matured over the years- I want him to succeed and I don’t want to see him make unwise decisions. There are times when control tries to pop its ugly little head back up and I quickly see it for what it is. As anxiety begins to rise, I quickly ask the Lord to be in control of our lives.
Again, bite your tongue, release control to God, smile, and pray. Give God the control to change things if they need to be changed and enjoy your husband. You will both be much happier.
And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive. Matthew 21: 22
Lord, I pray that you would help us to release control to you for our marriage. Remind us to be quick to pray and slow to react, releasing all situations into your hands. We trust you with our husbands. Replace our fear of not being in control with peace from above, knowing full well that You are in control. Amen.