Tag Archives: marriage

What An Imagination! {A True Tale of Motherhood}

imagining-motherhood-300x200Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Imagining Motherhood.

I was 26 years young. I had visions of being a stay-at-home mom. I imagined motherhood to be lots of cooing and giggling and love. I imagined I would take my baby to all of the play dates and tumbling classes. My husband would come home from work to a sparkling home and a happy momma with child.

Then reality quickly (and literally) hit home. With my first child I was learning the ropes. Thankfully, I had time to focus on my daughter and try to figure this parenting thing out. But then we had two. And again, I imagined.

I imagined I would have time to…..

To finish reading the full article, go to: Rio Grande Valley Moms Blog

Releasing Control

Family quarrel

Control. I’ve always fought for it. I never named it. I always thought it was just me wanting to be able to give my input and make decisions. Whenever I felt out of control in my marriage my frustrations would rise. And anger followed. I felt like a child who wasn’t getting their way.

And whenever I fought for my way and my husband stood his ground and made a decision I didn’t agree with, I would wait. Wait for him to fall and realize I was right and that he should have listened to me. After all, I knew better… or so I thought. But instead of it making me feel better when realizing I was right, I found myself just getting more and more frustrated. “Lord, why doesn’t this husband you’ve given me just listen?”

After almost 17 years of being married, the Lord has taught me a few things. Yes, I’m a slow learner. When my husband tells me of an idea, instead of reacting and wanting him to change his plans, I bite my tongue. I smile. If he asks, I give my opinion. But then I pray. I pray for understanding, I pray for him, that God would give him wisdom. And then I pray for me. I pray that God would take away the desire to control the situation. And I ask God to speak to Him. And then it’s out of my hands; it’s between him and God.

I can tell you there’s much more peace in our relationship today. Instead of trying to control him, I know he’s accountable to God, not to me. I’ve released him and can just enjoy him as my husband, not someone I’m always trying to control. And I know He enjoys the marriage more because he doesn’t feel like I’m trying to control his every move. When he does make a decision I don’t agree with and I see it backfire, I remain quiet. The lesson in itself is painful enough; he doesn’t need to hear it from me. That’s how I know our marriage has matured over the years- I want him to succeed and I don’t want to see him make unwise decisions. There are times when control tries to pop its ugly little head back up and I quickly see it for what it is. As anxiety begins to rise, I quickly ask the Lord to be in control of our lives.

Again, bite your tongue, release control to God, smile, and pray. Give God the control to change things if they need to be changed and enjoy your husband. You will both be much happier.

 And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive. Matthew 21: 22

Lord, I pray that you would help us to release control to you for our marriage. Remind us to be quick to pray and slow to react, releasing all situations into your hands. We trust you with our husbands. Replace our fear of not being in control with peace from above, knowing full well that You are in control. Amen.

How to Change Your Spouse

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Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife. Proverbs 21:9 (HCSB)

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19

I still remember those early years of marriage. While my husband and I agree, those years weren’t nearly as hard as others’ had warned us about, I still had much to learn about this whole wifey thing. I had a gift right from the start. I was actually a natural at this particular thing. It came so easy for me. I sounded something like this… “drip… drip.” Unfortunately I had mistaken the fine art of communication for the gift to nag. Whenever my husband would come up short, I mastered the art of huffing and puffing and, well, nagging about what he was or wasn’t doing and all the ways he was frustrating me. Crazy confession- I didn’t even realize I was doing it. As I look back at those years, I realize I wasted so much time and energy and emotion complaining to him about all the ways I wished he would do things differently. In my young, Christian head I thought I was the one who was in the right (self-righteousness anyone?!). But for some reason unbeknownst to me, all my complaining wasn’t changing him! huh.

Through the years and at times, tears, I have learned a powerful lesson. Guess who knows my husband even more than I do? That’s right, God. He formed him, He made Him in his mother’s womb, and He knows him inside and out. And guess who’s the only one that can make someone have a lasting heart change? That’s right- God. Sometimes we let stuff build and fester and then just like in that movie ‘Mean Girls’, we have word vomit. And once we get it out, there’s just no taking it back. And ladies, you might think that if you just get on to him enough, then he’ll get the point and somehow, dramatically change. And he might. But if God doesn’t convict and mold and shape the heart, it’s not going to stick. It will just be temporary. We must learn to take our frustrations and disappointments to God. Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  I have learned to take my stuff to God first! Sometimes, through prayer, I realize it’s not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be and other times God just gives me peace, reminding me that He’s in control.

I read an article recently that got me thinking about my role as a wife. Some of you may have heard about this a few weeks ago. It was an apology letter from Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church. I’m not going to go into my opinion on that whole controversy, there are plenty of blogs that are already doing that. Something jumped out at me as I was reading the letter. (Mark Driscoll’s apology letter).  Here’s the part about his discussion with his wife:

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Guess what? God heard her prayers and began working on him. If she had nagged about his schedule and the lack of time he spent with the family, because he’s a good guy, he might have made some changes to say ‘no’ more often to some events and try to spend more time with his family to please his wife. But we all know that when we change to appease someone else, it’s often short lived. It lasts maybe a few weeks and we get back into our same routines and habits as before. And the cycle continues.

 But when we pray…

When we pray and God starts to work, that is when heart change starts to happen. As we read in his letter, Mark’s wife didn’t want to discourage him, so when he came to her and began to share what God was doing, that’s when the tears of joy started. God answered her prayers.

We need to pray to God about the deep things in our heart and ask Him to bring about the right time to talk with our spouse about those things. And then we talk. But when we talk, let’s not attack because no one responds well when they feel like they’re being attacked. But share openly about those things close to our heart (after we’ve prayed about them). And then, we go back into our prayer closets and pray for Gods will to be done in our marriage. I have seen this happen over and over. And here’s the cool thing- while God is working on our spouse, guess what? He’s also changing us.

So let’s commit to lower the drip so our spouse doesn’t have to move to the roof or the desert.  Lets pray for a release of His Spirit in our marriage and in our lives. We’ve tried doing this thing on our own, and we all know that doesn’t work. How about releasing it to the inventor of marriage Himself?  His ways are always higher than our ways.

Lord, we come to you today and ask that our marriage would be all that you’ve called it to be. Forgive us for trying to take matters into our own hands. We surrender and ask that your will would be done. We ask for wisdom. And as we lift up our requests to you, we pray that you would not only touch our spouse, but that you would change us in the process. Help us to be quick to forgive and to be an encourager to our spouse. And Lord, remind us today that our spouse is never our enemy but that there is an enemy that would love nothing more than to divide and conquer. Protect and bless our marriage. Amen.

1 John 5:14-15- And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.