Category Archives: Fathers Heart

I Love You More & I Choose You

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photo credit @Fathers Heart Ranch

*******I wrote this post towards the end of 2012 and realized this morning that I never published it because it was choppy and still needed lots of editing. And as I read it this morning I realized I have to post this before I share what has transpired over the past 24 hours. So I’m going against all the writing rules and sharing this with you- sometimes when you share your heart it’s not going to be perfect and clean.. it will be messy. So here’s my messy, transparent heart from 3 years ago. Updated blog post to follow. ***

I put out my final holiday (fall) decor, before possibly moving out of our home. It’s been wonderful living in a brand new 2 story, spacious home. We have really enjoyed it. But sometimes, when God places a dream on your heart, you will have to lay some things down in order to see the bigger picture. We’re laying down our positions as Children’s Pastors which has in some strange way been a part of our identity for more than 15 years. We are going to be without a set paycheck starting in January, and will be pursuing our Fathers heart, Father’s Heart Ranch. That being said, we will be putting our new home for sale, moving in with my in laws, and.. pulling our kids out of private Christian School to home school for a season (we think). Are we crazy? Quite possibly.

After a recent talk with our children about the possible changes, my daughter approached my husband in the kitchen. “Why can’t we just be like other normal people and just work at the same place and live in the same house and go to the same school forever?” Her question was innocent enough. Kind of made me chuckle- normal people. Huh. And then my husband told her that sometimes in order to follow God, there will be things we will have to sacrifice. We always seem to want God to drop this huge thing in our life, but are we really able to give up our lives to follow after Him?

My boys will have to move away from a neighbor that is like a brother to them (Carlos). Joel has the best little friends he’s ever had and will not be able to see them everyday anymore. My daughter has a best friend she is inseparable with. I love living one house down from my brother and sister in law and baby niece. We go for the occasional walk, we drive to the gym together 3 times a week (at 5:30 am), we are always exchanging coffee, cheese, or sugar. And I love our neighborhood- it’s all new.

And as all of my crafty friends are working on fun things from Pinterest for their home, I can’t right now. No more adding holes in the wall, no painting fun designs from those cute Martha Stewart stencils. No more worrying about trying to decorate my naked wall. In a matter of months, everything will be put into storage.

I’ve always wondered if I had minor ADD, but these particular changes have sent my brain into overdrive, where I actually feel like I’m getting less done than more. This is my brain on change: Ranch, speaking, media kit, writing, kickstarter, boxes, home-school, moving, kids choir, kids choir (see?!), kids church, my children, curriculum, teaching, homework, meals, writing (or lack there of), Jesus, help me… You see what I’m saying here? Over load. 🙂

And my mother in law was a teacher for over 15 years and at different points in their lives home-schooled her kids. My sister in law was an amazing teacher. I think if I need it, my support is there. Honestly, I heard very clearly from Him that this home school season wasn’t just about finances, it was about their hearts. I feel I’m fighting for their hearts.This is a part of our story.

And no one told my husband to quit his job, or told us to sell our house. We are just realistic and know it’s going to take some laying down of things to get there. Some sacrifices. And really, if we didn’t sacrifice anything, then our level of gratitude wouldn’t be very high. Cool- Got a ranch. Right on. But, man, when you give up something- to follow after what God is calling you to, how much sweeter will the reward be? How much more do we appreciate something God has done, when we allowed Him to take us through the process of building our faith. And that’s where we’re at. Faith is being built. We believe that God has been preparing us our entire lives for this (that will be a whole other blog) and this is way bigger than us.

So, are we crazy? Maybe. This is part of our story that God is writing for our whole family. It’s bigger than us. And I believe it will not only cause our faith to increase, but many others- to start believing God truly is who He says He is. This is a chapter that will have lots of stickie notes and yellow highlighter on it. The pages will be worn. But the story will be worth it.

What about you? What dreams has God placed on your heart? A dream is like a relationship. Sometimes, It can be kind of scary to open your heart back up if you’ve been hurt or let down by the way things turned out. But I believe God has placed it deep with in us to dream- and that our dreams are things that will bring Him glory and further the kingdom- deep desires, tucked away beneath our hearts. Ask Him today to show you if there’s something still locked up in the chambers of your heart that you’re afraid to let out. What if people laugh? What if people think you’re crazy? Or (and this is big) what if we thought we heard from God and put it all out there, and God didn’t show up? What if….. Just remember dear ones, God is always using our situations for the good as we keep our hearts on him (and continually, ask Him to check our hearts & motives). Romans 8:28- And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.    

So here goes everything, we’re diving in- keeping our eyes firmly focused on Him, trusting in faith that He has good things planned for us and will cause our faith to grow even more through all of this.

Mark 9:23- “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”

Yes, do it Lord.

My Prayer…

Lord, I love you more. I love you more than this temporary discomfort. I love you more than wanting to decorate and fix up my house. I love you more than wanting to stay comfortable and in the same place. I love you more than the need to buy new things or buy clothes. I love you more than this world although I will be the first to admit I am often lulled in at the first sight of color and the smells of seasons. At times I give in to the lie that “this new item is all I need” when I know you are vying for my heart. I choose you- even though the distractions are loud and they come from every direction. I choose you. It’s a daily choice. But since you are the author of this story, every time I try to take the pen, will you gently remove the pen out of my hand, and allow your Holy Spirit to write a far better story than any I can write.

I choose you.