Monthly Archives: April 2007

Saying Good Bye To A Dream

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I started running track in High School. (9th grade). The thing was, my self esteem was so low I would have never joined anything. So one day I was in PE class doing a timed run and the track team was on the field and I was doing a lap and the coach said to one of the track guys, “She’s pretty good, go run with her”. And with him running next to me, pushing me- I did really good! The coach then invited me back to practice with them and then asked me to join the long distance running team. It was one of the first times to my memory that someone believed in me. My problems at home continued, but running became my outlet, my way of release. I remember the evening like it was yesterday- I asked my mom if I could have a pair of running shoes. She said, “Why, you probably won’t finish anyways?!” I can’t tell you how those words continue to haunt me to this day. And so those words became a prophesy- The coach sent someone to come and get me for track pictures and I told them I couldn’t, something about my grades were terrible.( Which they were but I still could have done track). And that was the end track for me. Never had the chance to compete. Still ran through the neighborhood when things got real bad at home.
So here I am, 18 years later- About a week before Thanksgiving I decide I want to pick up running again.And I run and I run and I run. And I realize, hey, I’m not bad. So I  totally feel like this is it. This is a passion, it’s more than a run. During my runs I felt like those words my mom spoke over me were broken- this time, I am going to finish something! And for the 1st time in a long time I had a dream of my own- Not just for my kids and our family- But for me. So I’ve marked my calender with all the 5 k’s I want to race this year, I subscribe to a running magazine, I invest in a new pair of running shoes with the Nike chip that helps me keep track of my miles. I’m ready to give it my all. But then, I think I over ran. I was in a friendly running competition with some family members to see who could get the most miles before Spring Break and I wasn’t going down without a fight. I should have stopped when I felt pain but I didn’t, I just ran even in intense pain (I think I’m invincible sometimes).
So here I sit, several Dr’s Appointment later, after X Rays and MRI’S. And yes, still some pain. And Then I get the news. I’m thinking therapy, rehab, whatever- I can handle it. Just don’t tell me I can’t run. And my Dr says I’ll need knee surgery. Ok, when can I run. A year.. 2?.. No. I have a large torn meniscus. The surgery will remove a lot of the cushion between my knee bones. My Dr says it is his recommendation that I not run again. Ever. Ouch. If I try later on in life the chances of me getting bad arthritis in my knee are most likely- Not to mention breaking down of the knee bone. So for now, I say good bye to a dream that was oh so short lived. My dreams of running through the finish line are done (for now). And hopefully I’ll stop crying every time I see a runner ( I know, that sounds strange). Pray that my surgery goes well May 3rd- I still believe in miracles!